Freedom

Even though I do not agree, but I now understand my Zulu ancestors’ actions of not allowing a female child to experience freedom before marraige. They knew that once tasted, it was the most difficult thing to let go. This is how marraiges were kept intact and there was almost zero seperations. Women endured control and abuse because they knew nothing else. They did not have means of supporting themselves or their kids and there was always a stigma of being called “umabuy’emendweni”. Her family would never haave accepted her back home.

Times have changed. The taste of freedom is at the tips of our fingers. We are able to take care of ourselves and our kids and the need for marraige in our lives is almost non existent. It is now a choice to agree to a marraige proposal or not to agree. We have a right to pick and choose. That is why the divorce rate is so high. Freedom is now a contender with the ring since in some marraiges the one spouse sees it as a form of ownership and control of the other person and expects the other person to change for them.

Marraige is a good thing; it keeps the kids in a stable environment, and many other things that keep the family together. People love to be free; not to be owned or controlled; and to feel responsible for their own lives. That is why people have died for it in history. People need to go with the times and accept each other as they are and as individuals in the marraige or out of it otherwise Freedom will always win, handsdown.

Rejection

As you grow older friends and family alike become less and the communication becomes far in between or worse, non-existent. 

Feeling #forlorn becomes a normal feeling. Individuals with a higher self confident find better new things to do to deal with that change in life and get rid of the forlorn feeling setting in. Unfortunately for others the change can be a bit too much to overcome and depression sets in. Others even commit suicide. 

How should some people be better equipped to deal with life changes. How should they be made confident enough not to succumb to depression due to loneliness? How should they be taught to see life’s possibilities with or without families and friends? I also dont have the answers to this sad reality. I wish I did.

Just do it.

I think my biggest downfall is procrastination. I always leave it for tomorrow or the other day and then end up postponing it indefinitely. What hurts the most is that I know I could achieve a lot in  my goals if I could just do it when I plan to do it. No excuses. 

The first step to succeeding is finding your weakness, acknowledging that you have a weakness, and then finding ways of eliminating it. I have personally decided that I’m saying goodbye to procrastination. It has overstayed it’s welcome.  I’m just gonna do it and I’ll incorporate that attitude in different parts of my life as from the beginning of the month of August. I started with exercising 4times a week regardless of the weather, work, etc. And now I’ll move on to other things that are in my plans. Procrastination is no longer part of my vocabulary.

All of us should identify what our weaknesses are and deal with them head on. It will be difficult at first because old habits die hard, but the rewards are well worth it. The possibilities are endless.

”Live life to the fullest”

The title above has been said so many times that I think most people don’t really understand it’s meaning. People mention it when trying to motivate others because it’s normal to say it. I was one of those people as well. I knew it, I heard it, I said it, but it’s meaning or it’s depth never fully registered until I got out of a 2year relationship with my partner a few months back who was very controlling and intelligently concealed his true self until I finally saw him for what he is and decided to go my own way and get back to being myself. 

I had lost so much of myself in that short 2 years that I struggled finding myself again, I didn’t know what I liked anymore cos most of the things I like to do I was basically forbidden from doing them. I tried so much to make the relationship work that I lost myself in the process. The journey to finding myself in the past few months has not been easy until I woke up one morning and decided to live my life to the fullest. Do whatever felt right to me and not hold back while looking for the self that I lost trying to be somebody that I was not. In the process of living my life to the fullest I have found myself again without trying. I have learnt a lot from this experience and will never again allow myself to be lost trying to make others happy or because of uncontrollable events in my life.

There are many of us who lose ourselves trying to impress others or during certain tragic events in our lives. Bad things or life changing events are bound to happen in our lives. The best thing is to live life the way that makes you happy according to your standards and nobody else’s. Live your life fully and never lose who you are and who you were born to be.

Nothi’s Life

negative-mindWhen I look around I notice so many people that are less privileged and much less able than me but I am amazed at how much they live life to the fullest. While poor old me with all my limbs intact and in full form as well as financially okay always manage to find something wrong with my life with countless excuses of why I cannot live my life to the fullest and always crying about this and that. The world is so big yet we tend to limit ourselves only in our minds. Life is not easy but a human is built fully equipped to handle all the world problems that come with being alive. I’m gonna change this. I’m determined to be grateful and to take my last breath with a smile on my face, with the knowledge that I could not have lived my life better even if I had designed it myself.❤

Dowry

I still believe strongly in Zulu customs and rituals but I do feel that most people need a refresher course on the meaning and origins of lobola. Lobola was originally a gift from the man’s family to the family of the woman he wanted to marry and to create a lasting relationship between the two families and also to show how much he valued their daughter and respected the parents for raising her. But now it seems to have become a business transaction. The price of Lobola has increased tremendously over the years claiming education fees spent on their daughters a contributing factor towards the increase and even the cost of raising her. Since when does raising your child you chose to have need to be paid back by somebody else? It has gone as far as some parents asking for laptops and even tractors as payment for Lobola. I believe that this has led to most women not being able to get married and to the vast number of black couples going against culture and choosing to cohabitate first while saving up as most men cannot afford lobola.

Another issue is that in some cases men tend to choose women who are financially stable when choosing a wife and maybe suitability as well as love.. is not too much of a contributing factor anymore. The financial considerations have led men to think that the lobola pays for all the woman’s assets regardless of how much they are actually worth. The husband now feels they own the woman as well as her assets and expect to control her and for her to succumb to the control.

It must be clear that lobola is not a get rich quick scheme for anyone and not a way to own anybody. People must stop attaching such bad beliefs about a beautiful Zulu culture and research the true custom on how to handle Lobola. The other cultures must also mind their own business and not be so quick to tell Zulu people that Lobola should be abolished. How we handle our Lobola issues is our problem that can be solved by Zulu people alone.

Time

I am painfully discovering that no matter how much you live your life on the straight and narrow and stay in your own lane, one bad thing or another always finds a way into your life. I think we as humans were always meant to be challenged throughout life. No matter how strong you are the bad things can really mess you up. The trick is not to allow them to change you or your beliefs. With time all will pass and you will come out stronger and wiser. You still have not lost if you have learnt something from your experiences. Good or bad.

Child of the light

Never again will I ever cry over nothing. I am not ruled by the dark. A bright light shines upon me. I am the child of light and of the God of my ancestors. No darkness shall fall over me. I reek positiveness and happiness. And it shall stay with me for as long as I live.glowing_butterflies-wallpaper-10648541_jpg.jpg

Do not let anyone dim your shine

In most african marriages some male partners can be very controlling. Especially when they have a strong, successful partner. Somehow they feel that it reflects badly on to them or that their ego is tested. So the woman always has to stoop down or compromise on things that she would rather do so that her partner won’t feel less of a man. In the process dimming her shine instead of supporting her through her ambitions and dreams. Our African men are taking too long to evolve to the way modern African women are and this is putting a strain on most marriages. This is one of the reasons you find most women remain single and the rate of divorce is too high now. Until our African men have evolved and the women do not feel they have to compromise too much for a ring then women will continue to choose their own shine and happiness over marriage.shine

Racism

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I am generally a very confident woman who loves herself and would not wish to be anybody else but herself. I thank God for making me who I am inside and out. I believe that if somebody hates me for who I am(which I cannot control) it is because they do not love themselves enough and feel inferior and therefore transfer their dislike of themselves to me so they can feel better about themselves. That is how I see any human that discriminates against the other because of the color of their skin. How can you hate somebody for the way they were born? How can you dislike somebody for something that is out of their control and that they cannot change? It does not make sense and is something that is not in our nature seeing as how loving babies and children are and do not know differences in race until they are taught by family and society. As babies we are programmed with love and along the way we lose our love and learn to hate. A lot has been said about racism and the word of peace has been preached for years and years but our perceptions about race do not change. I am sad to finally admit that racism will never end. It looks like we would rather kill each other because we cannot accept our differences, than to let the love we were programmed with when we were born back into our lives.